


Hold me

by oneishaa97



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Closeted Character, Frustration, Happy Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Malec, Malec is Immortal, Nervous Alec, Ruelle Music, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Magnus Bane, Sweet Magnus, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-11-28 07:09:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11412831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneishaa97/pseuds/oneishaa97
Summary: A declaration only made behind closed doors.Alec was his escape, his drug, his love, but most importantly his secret. His closeted secret.





	1. Chapter 1

The minute the door shuts, the pretense melts away. One touch and it was all over. Magnus' fingers immediately curls into his boyfriend's soft, black hair, pulling gently, just the way he likes. Magnus moans into his mouth; a quiet, guttural thing, that sends the deepest vibrations through Alec as the younger man struggles to keep up.  
"I love you," Magnus whispered in between kisses. A declaration only made behind closed doors.  
Alec was his escape, his drug, his love, but most importantly his secret. His closeted secret.

 

"So Magnus, is their anyone special in your life? Boyfriend, girlfriend?" The interviewer, Michelle Holmes, asked a little too happily. She was beautiful woman with piercing green eyes and a dimpled smile. Her straight hair was done up with a few stray strands falling at the side of her face. Whether it was intentional or not, Magnus didn't know but it suited her well.  
Magnus tilted his head, a ghost of a smile lingering on his lips. Out of habit, he swiped his tongue against his bottom lip, a studious expression etched onto face.  
Alec, my boyfriend, he’d wanted to say. He’d always wanted to say but he knew he couldn’t because Alec wasn’t gay – not in the eyes of the public at least, not to his parents, his siblings, not to anyone.  
Alexander Lightwood, was known solely as the brother of a famous guitarist, Jace Lightwood, his brother and absolute best friend so Magnus, who was irrevocably and unconditionally in love with the younger man, agreed to keep their relationship a secret for a little while just until Alec was ready to escape the closet he'd trapped himself into for the past decade.  
“Just give me a year, Magnus,” Alec would say, his hazel eyes  
shining pleadingly. When he was jovial they were warm, lively,  
and sparkled with mirth. When he was downcast they seemed to grow dim and dark. The smooth green on the edge contrasted beautifully with the amber color in the middle, capturing the heart.  
of anyone who gazed at him and Magnus was the sucker who fell  
for it.  
Alec’s year turned to two then three and before Magnus could even grasp what was happening they were fast approaching their five-year anniversary and Magnus just wasn’t happy with the way things were. He wanted to be able to hold Alec’s hand in public,  
he wanted to be able to kiss him around his family; to show the  
love that they both so deeply possessed to the world. He wanted everyone to know that Alec was his and that he was Alec’s.  
Magnus’ tongue grazed across his bottom lip again, unconsciously, a  
habit that screamed nervousness. The interviewee, realizing that  
her question might have upset him, hurried to dig up another question, one less intrusive but it wasn’t the question that had  
upset him. It was Alec. It had been Alec for the past eight months.  
All the sneaking around was driving him insane. It was breaking his heart every day that Alec was so ashamed of who he was, so worried about what anyone else thought.  
His sweet Alexander, always thinking about others – pushing their needs before his own. Magnus had even contemplated scaring him with a breakup to push him out of that closet, he’d found a home in.  
Magnus just couldn’t do it anymore. He loves Alec heart and soul but staying with him was killing him.  
It hurt.  
It hurt more than any physical pain Magnus had ever felt in his  
entire life. He would rather be alone than trapped in this sickly  
love.  
No, their love wasn’t sickly. It was beautiful, even with all the  
bruises it was beautiful. Alec had confessed his love quietly – his  
voice shaky and barely above a whisper. Magnus had whispered  
it back just as quietly against his lips.  
They were in love and he wanted everyone to know. He didn’t  
deserve to be hidden; chucked into some abandoned corner like he meant nothing because he wasn’t nothing. He was Magnus  
Bane: singer/songwriter, boyfriend, son and friend.  
If Alec couldn’t do it their relationship just had to end.  
As much as it would pain Magnus to end five years of beautiful, albeit, quiet moments, he had to do it.  
For himself and for Alec.  
The interview went along smoothly after that. The usual questions — what prompted him to write War Of Hearts — Magnus knew she really wanted to know who and he wanted to tell her but he couldn't. Atleast not without discussing it with Alec.  
"A boyfriend," he answered, the words tumbled out, fast before he could even keep them down.  
Michelle looked as startled as he was. Her green eyes suddenly cloudy with something he couldn't identify.  
"Oh," she breathed. "Wow, no one knew you were in a relationship. You're always so private," she said quickly, her smile splitting her face in half.  
Magnus closed his eyes for a brief minute and for a second he could see Alec behind his lids — scared and panicked.  
"I am. Almost five years now," he continued.  
"Oh," the interviewee repeated and Magnus couldn't help but laugh.  
She joined him, chuckling quietly.  
"How'd you do it? Keep your relationship hidden for so long?"  
My boyfriend's closeted.  
"My boyfriend doesn't like the limelight," he said instead, which wasn't a lie. Alec always hated to have his picture taken by the countless paparazzis that would show up wherever Jace was, as if they had a tracking device implanted in him. Somehow.  
Michelle nodded understandingly.  
"I get that. I mean you're Magnus freaking Bane," she giggled happily. Magnus liked Michelle. She seemed like the kinda girl to grab life by it's bull and bring it to It's knees. Magnus liked that in a person.  
"We have a few minutes left. How about we answer a bit of questions from Twitter?"  
Magnus nodded despite himself. His fans could get a bit crazy.

@iamthebane: Boyfriend???? Who?? I need this information in my life. Please, I will die without it. #AskMagnus

@Magnusbanethefake: I'm sure it's Jace. They're always around each other. #AskMagnus

@Mags899 @Magnusbanethefake: Ew what?! Jace barely even likes Magnus. #AskMagnus

@Thatmagnusstan: If you die eating a burger, will you go to heaven with that burger? #AskMagnus

Magnus shifted in his seat, feeling a bit nervous and embarrassed  
by the nasty questions he knew his fans would send in but he  
was amused nonetheless.  
His fans might be totally inappropriate but they were his. His fans – his family, the people he thanked every day for the life he was blessed with today.  
The questions were all fairly normal, to Magnus’ surprise. He  
was pleasantly surprised that his fans, for once, behaved  
themselves. He visibly relaxed, slouching back in his chair, bringing a cup of coffee to his lips. The interview had gone smoothly and for that Magnus was grateful.  
Alot of inquires and theories on who his boyfriend might be, which had been expected. No one had even come close to suspecting Alec and Magnus didn't know if that relieved him or saddened him. Him and Alec rarely went out together, whenever they did, however, they were accompanied by the Lightwood siblings the majority of the time.  
At first Magnus didn't mind but as him and Alec got closer, he did.

 

"I want people to know that you're my boyfriend, Alexander," Magnus sighed impatiently. Alec and Magnus were exactly a month away from their five year anniversary and the only ones to know it were themselves. At first Magnus had thought that it had been his fame. He had thought Alec didn't want their relationship to be something talked about on the latest gossip channel on YouTube, he understood that and respected it until their first date out in public when he noticed Alec didn't huddle against him like they did behind closed doors, they didn't touch or seemed like a couple at all which again, Magnus understood because he thought Alec didn't want people's opinions on their relationship but as they got deeper into their relationship Magnus finally understood the real problem. Alec didn't want anyone to know that he was gay. He didn't want anyone to know that he loved a man and that a man loved him too.  
"Magnus, I'm just not —"  
"Not ready!" Magnus exclaimed.  
"I know. I gave you your time, Alexander. I loved you enough to let you decide on your own but you, you obviously don't love me enough to let people know what I am to you. What I really am to you. I'm not your brother's boss or your associate. I'm your boyfriend. Your boyfriend. We kiss and we fuck because we love each other. Why are you so ashamed of it — of us?"  
Magnus felt his chest tighten into a knot like a cramp and a quiet but deep sadness builded inside.   
"I'm tired, Alexander," he whispered, dropping his head in hands, after Alec just stared at him, stunned by his outburst.  
"Magnus." Usually just his name from Alec's lips would calm him down; instantly like a mobile would calm a baby, but it didn't. Not this time.  
"Do you even love me?"  
Alec's eyes widen before narrowing in anger.  
"Why would you even ask that? How could you even think it?"  
Alec looked at him through wide red-rimmed eyes, his mouth slightly open, panting heavily.  
"You know how my parents are. I-I can't just come out and be g-gay." Alec stuttered, tugging at his shirt nervously.  
"But you are gay, Alexander! You found love in another man, you aren't sexually attracted to women. If that's not gay then I don't know what gay is."  
Magnus was spitting rancid saliva with each maliciously punctuated word but he couldn't help it. He was frustratedly in love with this man.  
"Alexander," Magnus sighs, seeing the conflicted expression his boyfriend bore.  
"You love me. I know you do but you can't possibly think this is fair to me," Magnus kept his eyes steady, resting on Alec's face just briefly, the sorrow already building.  
Magnus sits hunched over, head throbbing.  
"It isn't fair. I tried. I tried to ignore it, like a lovesick fool; like a drug addict dying from an overdose. It seemed like it those days."  
"Magnus."  
He didn't need to look up to know that Alec was in a similar state as he was — on the verge of tears.  
"I love you, Magnus."  
Magnus could only nod as best as one could with their face in their hands, tears leaked through his fingers, trailing down his arm.  
He was tired.  
Alec stared at Magnus hunched over, the silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shatters on the ground.   
The silence was like a gaping void, needing to be filled with sounds, words, anything. The silence was poisonous in it's nothingness, cruelly underscoring how vapid their conversation had become.   
Alec knew he should say something, anything but he knew there was nothing he could say that would mend Magnus' broken heart.  
Magnus sighed. The sigh was resigned and weary. It signalled the end of deliberate effort and the beginning of passive deterioration.  
I can't lose him, Alec thought miserably. His hazel eyes darkened and glossy with unshed tears.  
"Magnus?" He tried again.  
The other man glanced up at the call of his name. Careless tears flowing from his eyes, trailing down his cheek.  
As Magnus cried his bottom lip quivered, the same as a baby pushed past endurance. His eyes became a glacier brown under the sheen of water, constant, yet allowing the tears to flow without pause. In that moment, Alec understood the depth of pain that had been sitting below his skin.  
He'd been wanting his attention before but now, looking into his eyes — knowing that he was causing those tears; that deep sadness, Alec could only stare. He didn't know what to say.  
How could he not know what to say to his crying boyfriend?  
His boyfriend.  
Magnus was his boyfriend.  
Magnus nodded as if he could read Alec's thoughts. As if he heard what Alec himself hadn't.  
He dropped himself onto their bed, staring up at the ceiling as if it were the most fascinating thing in their room.  
You're ruining him! Alec's inner voice snapped.  
Before he could talk himself out of it, Alec reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. His fingers tapped wildly against the screen. With eyes filled with determination, Alec walked over to their bed where his boyfriend lay.  
His boyfriend. His alone.  
"Magnus, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.. I-I didn't know. I should've but I didn't and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."  
Sighing, Magnus shuffled over to where Alec sat at the edge of the bed. He intertwined their fingers and Alec let him.  
"I could never do this to you outside of these walls."

Buzz

"You'd always tense up or pull away."

Alec pressed his face into the crook of Magnus' neck as he spoke.

Buzz  
Buzz  
Buzz

"I want to be able to do that. With you —"

Buzz  
Buzz  
Buzz

"For fuck's sake!"  
"Get it," Alec whispered, his warm breath tickling Magnus' neck.  
"It could be important."  
Magnus groaned but he knew Alec was right. He'd just released his new single 'War Of Hearts' inspired by Alexander Lightwood and couldn't afford to miss any calls. Not now.  
He nodded and picked up his phone, scowling at the treacherous device.  
His Instagram notifications were out of control. He always got a bunch of likes and comments but something told him that this was something much bigger than his pictures of his breakfast the morning.

@magnusbane Omg!!! This is so cute omgdjdkjsks

Someone had mentioned him in a post.  
He frowned.  
Surely, his breakfast wasn't that attractive.

His notifications were climbing rapidly. He scrolled through his notifications and everyone was freaking out.  
"What the hell is going on —"  
He stiffened.  
His breathe caught and stuck in his throat; suffocating him.

Alec Lightwood tagged you in a post. 10 minutes ago

He wasn't aware that he hadn't said anything until Alec squeezed his hip, bringing him back to present time.  
Alec wouldn't do that, he thought.  
Oh but Alec did.  
Magnus just stared at his phone open mouthed. His brain formulated no thoughts other than to register that he was shocked. He closed his mouth, then looked at Alec before glancing back up to his phone again.  
Alec had posted two pictures in one post. The first one was a kiss they shared on the eve of their first anniversary and the second was a kiss they shared after the release of War Of Hearts. Magnus never understood why Alec took so many pictures of them that no one else would ever see but now, looking at those pictures, he appreciated them.

'My whole heart <3'

It was the cheesiest caption known to man but it was everything to him.  
Magnus chuckled despite the tears streaming down his face, faster than before.  
"I couldn't let you believe that I didn't love you enough. Now everyone knows it too," Alec whispered, tightening his hold on Magnus.  
Their lives wouldn't be the same again after that night but Alec was ready because he had Magnus by his side and Magnus had him.  
His boyfriend. His love. His happiness


	2. Chapter 2

 

"When did this happen?" Jace and Isabelle Lightwood asked in unison, their bewildered expression mirroring the other.   
"Dude, that picture has 2M likes in 12 hours," Max exclaimed, "that's freaking awesome!"  
It was just shy of 6AM when Alec was awakened from his deep slumber by a relentless pounding on his apartment door. He groaned, pulling his covers over his head, trying to block out whatever demon spawn had come to bother him at such an ungodly hour.   
"Alexander Gideon Lightwood!"  
He scrambled up, instantly recognizing the voice of Isabelle, his little sister and she did _not_ sound happy.   
Alec rushed into the bathroom, before realizing he was completely naked so instead of just brushing his teeth as he'd planned to, he just took a quick, cold shower, dried himself as best as he could in that little time and threw on some clothes quickly.   
He swung the door open meeting his very annoyed siblings, except Max, who grinned up at him.   
He frowned.   
_What are they so mad for?_  
Then like a dam breaking free, it all came back to him.   
He gulped and stepped aside, letting his siblings in.   
"August 8th —"  
Isabelle rolled her eyes so hard Alec wondered how they hadn't stuck at the back of her head.   
"We're not even in August yet. Alec seriously, what the hell —"  
"2012. August 8th, 2012," he whispered, looking up at his siblings briefly before looking down at his bare feet.   
Jace looked like he was about ready to murder someone, Max was srill grinning like a psycho and Isabelle... Well he didn't know what Isabelle was thinking. Usually he could read her quite easily but he couldn't and that bothered him.   
Alec tensed against the shaking of his limbs.  
It's useless but he does it instinctively.  
"Did that asshole force you?" Jace asked, stepping closer to Alec.   
"Are you being held against your will?"  
 _We love each other_ , Alec wanted to scream but his words stuck in his throat; choking him. Without his permission, his eyes started watering. Alec ducked his head down in a futile attempt to hide his tears but they all saw it.   
"Alec," Isabelle whispered, eyes tearing up as well.  
"That motherfu—"  
"Jace," Alec whispered, trying his hardest to force the words out. He took a deep breath.   
"I'm gay."  
Silence clung to them like a poisonous cloud that at any moment could choke the life from them. Silence seeped into their every pore, like a poison slowly paralyzing them from either speech or movement.  
"I'm gay," he repeated, feeling a pressure lift from his chest.   
"Gay?" Max asked, his dark eyes peeking out from underneath his brown hair. "Like you like dudes?"  
Max's tone wasn't accusatory or disgusted, he just sounded... curious and interested, somehow.   
"Yeah. I love Magnus and he loves me too."  
His siblings just stared at him, open mouthed.   
The pregnant silence lingered in the air, thick and heavy, like a blanket.  
"You guys should probably say something."  
"What do you want us to say, Alec? What the fuck did you expect?" Jace screamed, slamming his hand on the table.   
Alec flinched back, his face a mask of worry and sadness.   
"You dated a man, a man we all know, for years and we never knew. We're your family. You should've told us. You should've told me!"  
"Didn't you trust us?" Isabelle asked quietly. Alec eyes swung to her.   
"It's not that. I just wasn't comfortable with being gay. I-I didn't know how anyone would take it. I just wanted to be with him but I didn't want to disappoint anyone."  
Jace scoffed, rolling his eyes.   
"No, Isabelle. His didn't trust us."  
Jace didn't raise his voice, instead his muscles tensed and his jaw clenched.   
"I'm sorry. I know you guys are mad. You have no idea how hard I tried to be straight; to like girls. In highschool, I tried to date girls but I —"  
"Highschool?" Max spoke again. Alec had almost forgotten that he was there.   
"How long have you known?" Isabelle asked, black tears trailing down her cheek. Her makeup was smudge and her hair looked like she shoved her fingers into it way too many times. Maybe she did.   
Alec sighed, turning his back to them. He couldn't look at them. He didn't want to see the disgust and disappointment etched onto their faces. He couldn't take it.   
"Since I was about sixteen."  
Someone gasped behind him.   
"Sixteen? Alec, you're twenty six. You kept that down for ten years?"  
The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down Alec's face. He felt the muscles of his chin tremble like a small child and looked toward the window, as if the light could soothe him.  
There was static in his head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress he's lived with.  
He hears his own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of him he didn't know he had left to give.   
Suddenly small hands clutched tightly around his middle, the back of shirt suddenly wet with tears.   
"Alec, you idiot," Isabelle whispered shakily.   
"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, big brother.  
It doesn't matter with who. I just wanted you to be happy. You've always taken care of me — of all of us. What kind of siblings would we be if we didn't accept you as you are."  
Alec pulled out of her right grip slowly and turned to face her, hugging her close.   
He sobbed against her unceasingly, her hands clutching at his shirt. His tears soaked her hair, a tiny lapse let him pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before he collapsed into her again.   
Jace was stoic, pressed up against the wall. His face was sharp yet pleasant somehow. He didn't appear angry anymore but he didn't look happy either.   
"Are you guys gonna get married then?" Max asked suddenly. Isabelle chuckled.  
"Why? Because they've been together for years?" She teased, pulling away from Alec. She smiled at him and smiled back.  
"You need to tell me how it happened!" Isabelle squealed. Alec full on laughed now.

_Yep, Isabelle was back._

"Alec," Jace said, closing in on the hazel eyed boy.   
"Look, Izzy was right, all we ever wanted was for our _stick-up-the-ass_ brother to be happy. If Magnus makes you happy and loves you like you say he does then I'm happy too."   
Alec opened his mouth, ready to voice his appreciation and gratitude but Jace cut him off with a wave of his hand.   
"But you obviously didn't trust me or anyone else here to tell us the truth. I'm happy that you're happy with Magnus but that's it. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."  
Alec just stared at him, too shocked to even move. He faintly heard Isabelle's protest in the background but his eyes remained on Jace, who stared back at him with the same intensity before nodding and walking out, through the door.   
"Jace, you're acting like a child. I would know as I'm a child too," Max yelled after him, trailing closely behind.   
He stopped at the door.

"I'm sorry, dude. For what it's worth, I don't care either. If you're happy that's all that matters. See ya around "

Alec felt as though all air had been knocked out his lungs. He struggled to find his breath, his clothes suddenly felt too small for him, the walls felt like they were closing in on him. Isabelle yanked at his shirt, mumbling something but Alec couldn't hear it. All he heard was Jace's parting words swirling around in the head.   
_I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore_


	3. Chapter 3

 

"How did you guys hide your relationship that long?" Isabelle asked Magnus, while cutting her lasagna into little bits.  
Magnus smirked. "Your brother's sneaky like that."  
It has been roughly over a week since Alec made his relationship with Magnus public and Magnus' phone would not stop buzzing. Everyone and their grandmother wanted to know their love story but most importantly how they kept it under wraps for such a long time.  
Isabelle returned his smirk.  
"I can't believe it. Five years? Geez, I can barely keep my mouth shut for five minutes much less five years."  
Magnus chuckled, twirling some spaghetti between his fork.  
"Since you've been avoiding questions about your relationship for the past week, I don't know anything. Alec doesn't talk about it I think he's so used to keeping it a secret that he doesn't know how to talk about it."

_**5 years ago** _

_"Alec, this is Magnus Bane. Magnus, my brother Alec." Jace Herondale, Magnus' pianist, gestured between the two men._  
_Jace had been working with Magnus for little over a year and had thought it was necessary for his boss to meet his family in case of extreme emergencies._  
_Alec smiled shyly, gripping Magnus' hand, albeit briefly._  
_"Alexander, a pleasure. I feel like I already know you your brother speaks quite highly of you," Magnus drawled, flashing Alec his award winning smile._  
_Alec smiled. His cheeks suddenly kissed pink like a spring rose, the blooming colour so cute against his pale skin._  
_It seared through his cheeks and for a minute he thought his face was on fire. He suddenly felt awkward, demure, and coy; even going as far as attempting to hide his rosy features behind his slim fingers. The raven haired man knew that every single pairs of eyes were looking at him – all eagerly waiting for a reaction, a response, like predatory beasts._  
_"It's nice to meet you too."_

"Did you guys date immediately after that?" Isabelle interrupted excitedly.  
"Yes and no."

 _"So you're the gay one?" Magnus asked casually, bringing his glass of vodka to his lips._  
_Alec jerked up immediately, looking around frantically._  
_"Could you keep your voice down? I don't need your paparazzis with that kind of private information."_  
_Magnus nodded understandingly. "Sorry."_  
_Alec waved his hand around dismissing Magnus' apology._  
_They fell into idle chatter after that. Mostly Alec talked and Magnus listened. Magnus learned of how selflessly he loved his siblings and how he always pleased his parents and they loved him unconditionally unless he believed they did. Magnus thought they were controlling Alec's life under the pretense of wanting what was best for him — what they thought was best for him but he thought it best not to say that to Alec. They'd only just met and he wanted to see the blushing hazel eyed man again and again._  
_They talked about how Alec always had a crush on his adopted brother until he knew for sure that Jace was 100% straight. Magnus laughed at that and Alec decided in that moment that he loved the sound of his laugh — so carefree and polished._  
_He decided there that he needed to do everything possible to make him laugh whenever they spent time together if Magnus would have him._  
_"You guys look really cosy," Jace interrupted with a smirk. He had a little red head girl on his arm and Alec felt a twinge of jealousy rush through him but quickly pushed it down, averting his attention back to Magnus._  
_"Yeah. Magnus is...quite magical."_  
_Magnus' eyes flickered to his, holding his gaze._  
_"Your brother's amazing. He's easy to talk to unlike you. You're annoying."_  
_Jace scowled, grumbling something about ungrateful bosses, tugging the giggling girl along._  
_Alec laughed quietly at that and suddenly couldn't stop. His breath came in quick gasps between unstoppable giggles. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over._  
_Magnus chuckled._  
_"You alright there, handsome?"_  
_Magnus reached into his back pocket, pulling out a soft handkerchief embroidered with MB in bold script._  
_Their fingers brushed lightly and Alec swore he felt a shock swim through his entire body._  
_Magnus must have felt it too because his eyes snapped up to find warm hazel eyes staring back at him._  
_As Magnus looked into his eyes he could feel Alec searching deep into his soul._  
_"You're beautiful," Alec whispered, his eyes never leaving Magnus'._

  
"Did you guys kiss?" Isabelle yelled, attracting the attention of the very blonde family sat in the table beside them.  
"Isabelle," Magnus tutted dramatically.  
"Mama, that's Magnus Bane!"  
Isabelle looked sheepish, mouthing an apology to her friend.  
The entire restaurant turned in their direction and before Magnus could even get a word out people were rushing to their table, with their devices out.  
_"Can I have a picture?"_  
_"Your friend is so pretty"_  
_"Where's Alec?"_  
_"Were you ashamed of your boyfriend? Is that why you hid him for so long?"_

* * *

 

"Jace still isn't talking to me so there's that," Alec explained, curling his fingers through Magnus' course hair.  
Magnus ghosted light kisses on his collarbone, his warm breath tickling the other man's torso.  
"I could always fire him," Magnus offered, chuckling though he was completely serious.  
Alec smiled despite himself.  
"As tempting as that sounds you can't. Jace has wanted this for so long and besides it's only been a week he'll come around."  
_I hope_ , Alec added to himself.  
Magnus nodded, rubbing his knuckles into his eyes. He stretched his arms above his head and yawned.  
Alec peered down at his sleepy boyfriend through hooded eyes.  
"I love you. You know that, right?"  
A small smile stretched across Magnus' face.  
His smile shone like the stars in the sky, with no bright city lights to dim them. It was like the sun opened its eager light to shine about him, only brightening his perfectly aligned teeth.  
"I know. The entire world knows too."  
Alec rolled his eyes playfully. A smile on his lips.  
"I love you too."


	4. Chapter 4

 

Alec pulls out of Magnus' body slowly before laying on his back, bringing the other man against his chest. He holds him close, Magnus' ear pressed up against the other man's heart. His own heart swells as he feels the thudding of his wonderful boyfriend's heart against his ear.   
"I love you," Alec mumbles sleepily, littering his boyfriend's face with small, gentle kisses.   
"Love you more," Magnus answers, snuggling deeper into the warmth of Alec's strong arms.   
Alec chuckles.   
"Impossible."  
Magnus smiled at that, letting the immense happiness he felt at the moment sink into his bones. He closed his eyes and savoured the moment, not releasing the tight grip he had on Alec's hand even once.   
Slowly, he felt Alec's grip on his waist loosen and his breathing evened out slightly.   
Magnus smiled, looking up at his boyfriend's sleeping form with such love and admiration for the man he gets to call his. He didn't remember how long he spent just looking at his man before sleep claimed him too, into a deep state.

Magnus awoke to soft sheets, and the morning light trickling through the blinds, his eyes were still shut as he soaked in the warmth of his covers before letting his eyes see the sun's rays. He closed his eyes again, willing the carousel to return, for his mind to tumble back to dreams, but of course, the universe had better things in mind. Now the task of the day were demanding he thought about them, find solutions, get jobs done by day's end. He was awake and there was no retreat. The fluorescent numbers of the alarm clock beside the bed side table teased him with the time of 6AM and he harshly rubbed at his eyes with his palms, yawning quietly as to not wake his sleeping boyfriend.   
He steals a quick glance at Alec's sleeping form. In his slumber his features appear softer — almost boyish. Shifting closer to him, Magnus traces his jawline with a painted fingernail, smiling at the way Alec's eyes flutters in his sleep.   
"I love you, Alexander," he whispers, before ever so gently touching his lips to his. It was only supposed to be a light peck but the second his lips meet his boyfriend's, Alec's arms tightened around around Magnus' waist, dragging his body on top of his, forcing his tongue past his lips. Magnus was too shocked to do anything other than accept his searing kiss.   
"I love you too," Alec mumbled between kisses, "so goddamn much."  
Magnus smiled into the kiss, opening his mouth wider to receive Alec's kiss. Their tongues joined together in a massive duo.   
Alec was instantly hard and silently thanked the Gods that they hadn't bothered getting dressed after last night's romp. Magnus placed each knee on the side of Alec's hip, their hard lengths brushed against each other causing Magnus to moan loudly. He buried his fingers into Alec's hair, doing his best to suck Alec's tongue into his mouth.   
Suddenly, Alec's finger delved into Magnus' ass.   
"Alexander!"  
He withdrew his finger, slicked it up with saliva before plunging back in, pumping faster like he just couldn't get enough despite them having sex only 12 hours ago. After an embarrassingly short amount of time Magnus felt that familiar fire burning inside him. His fingers curled into the silk sheets, clawing.   
"I'm gonna — Oh God, Alexander! Coming now."  
"No, you're not," Alec answered huskily, dragging his finger out of the other man's abused hole.   
Alec leaned forward, reaching the drawer, fishing out the lube. They had given up condoms years ago. Alec's idea actually, which came as quite a bit of a shock to Magnus.   
He lubed up his cock in record time and there was only the briefest of hesitation before he slid all the way in.   
Magnus screamed, digging his fingernails into Alec's chest. Alec hissed but didn't seem to mind his chest being clawed out.   
Magnus was still sore from the night before so the burning took a little while before it subsided but when it finally did, Magnus tangled his fingers into Alec's hair, pushing his face down kissing him hard. Hard enough to block out everything that wasn't Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Soon they were just panting against each other's swollen lips, eyes locked and tongues still trying to meet each other as Magnus rode him to completion.   
Magnus collapsed against his chest, breathing heavily. They were a mess of sweat and semen but they didn't care.   
Waiting until both of their breathing calmed, Magnus propped his chin against Alec's chest and peered into his big, hazel eyes.   
"You okay, baby?"  
Alec sighed, running fingers down Magnus' spine. He shifted slightly and Magnus winced, holding onto his biceps, his face twisted up.   
"Shit, sorry!"  
Alec slid out of his boyfriend slowly. Magnus splayed across his chest, smiling down at him.   
"It's okay. Bit sore is all."  
Alec frowned.   
"It's okay," Magnus repeated, giving him his most sincere look.   
Alec sighed again.   
"I still have to face my parents and I still need to somehow try to patch things up with Jace."  
Magnus placed a soft kiss on his boyfriend's chest.   
"Whatever you decide I'm here for you. You know that right?"  
Alec nodded, smiling at the man on top of him.   
"We should probably get washed up. I'm sticky."

 

* * *

 Aftera quickie and a long, hot shower, Alec was finishing up on the last set of dishes while Magnus was in their bedroom, after all this time it was finally theirs, getting ready for some big interview which was to discuss his new song but Alec knew the interview would take a rather expected turn to their hidden relationship which has been the hottest trending topic in, well ever. The public still made him a bit nervous, especially Magnus' fans who could get very aggressive and upset at the fact that Alec's account was still rather bare. By bare they mean: no pictures of him and Magnus. 

"Whatever you do just don't read the comments and articles written about us. Most of them are badly written not to mention very far from the truth," Magnus had warned but Alec couldn't help it. He was curious to see what people thought of their relationship — of him, of whether or not they thought Alec was even worthy enough to date Magnus Bane.  
He went from having 1k followers — just barely — to 4.6M followers in a day. It was all very overwhelming but this was Magnus' life and Alec wanted to atleast try to fit in.   
His phone pinged in the distant for the hundredth time in the last minute. It was probably a new Twitter or Instagram follower or one of the Malec fan accounts tagging him in cute little sketches or paintings they usually made and posted of him and Magnus. He did his best to like as many as he could but he could never get to all of them and that made him feel a little bad sometimes. He didn't want people to think that their hard work went unnoticed and unappreciated.   
Drying his hands in the towel near the dishwasher, Alec picked up his phone as he suspected it was a few Malec fans trying to get his attention. He smiled at his phone. Magnus' fans were nice to him, he hadn't gotten a bad message yet, atleast not that he's seen anyway.   
They've even taken to sending him DMs. He doesn't respond to those because Magnus advised against it but he still reads them when he can.   
Some of them were very sexual and a bit intense but he hardly got any of those.

_**Malec000** _   
_Hello Alec! I hope your day is as amazing as you are xx_

**Kumshi**   
_Is Magnus the only one allowed to call you 'Alexander' ?_   
_Asking for Science._

Alec laughed out loud at that.  
Magnus' warning rang loudly in his ear but what's replying to one person. Surely, it wouldn't hurt.

  
 _ **@AlecGl**_ : That made me laugh. And yes, he's the only one allowed. Hope that helps for Science, of course.

The reply came almost instantly.

**_Kumshi_ **   
_Sbksjs I'm literally crying rn. Tysm for replying, you beautiful man <333_

"What are you smiling about?" Magnus asked, walking towards his boyfriend. Alec's throat tightened. Magnus always looked great but he had this new glow about him all of a sudden that Alec couldn't help be fascinated and incredibly turned on by.   
"You look —"  
"I know," Magnus interrupted smugly, patting the side of his hair. Alec rolled his eyes but laughed anyway.   
Alec clicked out of the chat not before sending the user a little heart in return.  
He was immediately greeted by an obviously Photoshopped picture of him and Magnus with two little adorable girls at their sides.   
The caption reading: " _Daddies and their girls"_  
Alec motioned for his boyfriend to come closer and he did.   
"How cute is this?"   
Magnus took the phone, studying the picture before a wide grin took over his face.   
"That is the cutest thing."  
Alec smiled, double tapping the picture.   
Magnus chuckled.   
"You're spoiling them."  
Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' waist, pulling him closer.   
"I have to. They call me daddy after all." Alec's mouth twitched as he fought to keep his smile hidden.   
Magnus paused, head tilted back so he could look the taller man square in his eyes.   
"That's all it takes to get a double tap?"  
The laugh that came from Alec was like a newly sprung leak — timid at first, stopping and starting. He wasn't done yet though. You could tell by the way he rolled his hazel eyes to the ceiling and half bit his lip.   
From deep inside his chest came a great shaking motion and his face drew tight. Magnus pulled back, folded his arms, eyebrow arched, waiting. Before Magnus could even stop it his poker face twitched and he found himself laughing as well.   
"It's not funny at all," Alec breaths out, dabbing Magnus' handkerchief at his eyes. "Why am I laughing?"   
"Because you're an idiot," Magnus said, not missing a beat.   
"You love me though."  
"I do."  
A sharp knock at their door jolted them out of the moment they were quickly getting sucked into.   
Magnus cleared his throat and straighten his shirt.   
"That's probably for you," he said to Alec gesturing to the door.   
Alec made a face but went over to the door anyway.   
He swung the door open and was met with Maryse Lightwood and at her side stood Robert Lightwood, looking like he'd rather be literally anywhere else.   
"Mom, Dad."  
Magnus perked up at that.   
Maryse's eyes swung past Alec and landed on him.   
Great  
"May we come in?" She asked a little too calmly.   
Numbly, Alec nodded, stepping aside to allow his parents entry.   
"Maryse, Robert," Magnus greeted. "Welcome to our home. We weren't expecting you."  
Maryse only nodded, looking around before her eyes landed once more on Magnus. He gulped visibly shaken by Maryse's quietness.   
He cleared his throat, looking to Alec for some sort of help.   
"You'll be late," Alec said turning towards Magnus.   
Magnus frowned.   
"For your interview, babe," he reminded.   
Magnus' eyes widen. "Shit! I mean yeah, I'll get going." He scampered over to the door with Alec on his heel.   
"I'm sweating pinballs," Magnus whispered when they were out of earshot.   
Alec just looked guilty.   
"You'll be okay here, baby?" Magnus asked, moving closer to Alec, placing a hand of his cheek. Alec leaned into his touch, turning his head slightly to place a kiss in Magnus' palm.   
"Now or never, right?"   
Magnus nodded, smiling though it didn't reach his eyes.   
"I love you," Alec whispered.   
Magnus nodded again.   
"Love you back. You'll be okay."  
Maryse cleared her throat and Magnus pulled his hand back.   
_For Christ's sake!_  
Alec gave him a quick kiss goodbye, which shocked Magnus. He didn't think Alec would be ready for any kind of PDA just yet especially since they were just getting used to being public with their relationship.   
"Let me know when you get there," Alec added, obviously delaying the conversation with his parents. He wasn't ready yet. Ye hadn't even planned what he wanted to say.   
"I will." Magnus lingered a bit, his eyes swinging over to Maryse only to see her staring back at them with a look he couldn't quite pinpoint.   
After a few seconds of just staring at each other Magnus turned on his heel, leaving Alec alone with his parents.   
"Mom, Dad, can I get you guys something?" He sighed, turning to face his parents.   
Robert still looked uncomfortable whilst Maryse looked like Alec had just murdered ten babies and stuffed them in his closet like some sort of psychopath.   
"Sit down, Alec. Let's chat."  
Alec swallowed the lump in his throat. He suddenly felt hot underneath his shirt, the collar felt like it was suffocating him. He took a deep breath and sat further away from his parents. Maryse frowned but she didn't say anything about it. Alec was thankful for that atleast.   
"About Magnus —"  
"Yes, he's my boyfriend and yes, I'm gay." Alec finished for them, instantly feeling better.   
Maryse smirked and Alec's brow furrowed.   
What the hell is going?  
"I didn't think you had it in you, my son but that's good. Very good."  
Okay, what the hell is happening?  
"What do you mean?"  
Robert looked away, suddenly fascinated with the rug underneath his feet.   
"I understand everything, son and we came over here to tell you that we support your decision."  
Alec opened his mouth but Maryse held her hand up and continued.   
"A publicity stunt. So smart, my boy," Maryse exclaimed, grinning wildly.   
Alec just stared at her, too shocked and stuck to do otherwise. He looked at her like she was just a radio and not a person there to be interacted with. It is as if the words are still circulating her mind and not yet allowed to flow outward into the world.   
Alec's mouth ran dry, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, his heart was beating more forcefully than it usually did.   
"Mom." His voice was barely above being audible. His bright hazel eyes now glossed over with unshed tears.   
"Magnus is my boyfriend, for real. This isn't a publicity stunt. Tomorrow will be five years with him."  
Maryse's smile faltered but not completely.   
"Alexander," she tutted and he cringed.   
Only Magnus could use his full name and make him feel loved and safe.  
"I love him, mom."  
He lets out a shaky breath. The dread and anxiety deadened his mind and body. He releases another shaky breath, closing his weary eyes.   
"I love him."  
Without another word, Maryse walked over to the door, she paused at the doorway, letting her eyes roam the room once more as if committing the house to memory.   
She sighed heavily, sounding drained suddenly.   
"You love him?"  
"I do, mother."  
Maryse nodded, gripping the doorknob tightly.   
"You're gay?"  
Alec could only nod.   
"You're my son and I love you dearly but Alec, Magnus Bane of all people? I don't mind you being gay at all. That isn't a problem but couldn't you choose someone else? Did he force you?" She asked more aggressively, pushing her way back through the door, strutting over to him. She gripped his face in her hand, turning it from left to right; examining him.   
"Five years? You would've only been twenty one. You were barely legal. Did he force you?" She asked again, spitting the words out like poison.   
Alec shook himself free, standing up to face his mother.   
"No mother. Magnus loves me, I love him. He didn't force me. I went to him first and he's been so patient all this time— hiding our relationship because I just wasn't comfortable. He loves me. Be happy for me, please. Please." Alec was on the verge of tears, his hands gripped his mother's tightly without him even realizing what he was doing until she pulled her hand from his tight hold.   
Maryse shook her head as if it might somehow clear her of what she'd just heard.   
"Alec, I-I don't know. I can't —"  
"You can't be happy for me? I'm happy with him, mom. He makes me so happy."  
Maryse made a choking sound, shaking her head.   
"Give me time, Alec. This is alot, okay? Just give me a day or two, alright?"  
Maryse didn't wait for her son to response she just went through the door, never even stopping to see if her husband had been following.   
Robert sighed, getting to his feet. He walked over and pulled his son into a tight hug. Alec returned it forcefully, fisting his hands in his father's shirt.  
"Give your mother some time."  
Alec nodded, still clinging to his father.   
"I'm okay with this, son. If he makes you as happy as you say he does then I'm happy too. I just want my children to be happy."  
Alec nods into his father's shoulder. "Thanks dad."  
Robert squeezed him tighter then let go. He gave him a weak, nervous smile and walked over to the door.   
"See you around, kid?"   
Alec chuckled. For as long as he could remember his father had always addressed him as _kid_. Never Alec or Alexander, just kid. It was their little thing.   
"Yeah dad. Around."  
"Happy anniversary in advance. I may not remember to call tomorrow. You know how it is"  
Alec smiled. It felt good to have atleast one more person in his corner.   
He thanked his father and watched him as he walked down the hall disappearing out of sight.   
Closing the door behind him, he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.   
He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and tapped the screen. Him and Magnus' sleepy faces stared back at him. Magnus' eyes were covered by the time but it was quite alright. His notifications were insane as usual but he opened the messages from the only person that he needed now more than anything.

**_My love_ **

_Hey babe, everything okay?_

_8:15AM_

**_My love_ **

_Assuming everything went well?_

_8:16AM_

He was just about to type out a reply when another came through.

_**My love** _

_I'm heading on right now. Tune in maybe I'll talk about you ;)_   
_I love you_

_8:30AM_

Alec typed back a quick message.

_I won't miss it._   
_Love you too_

  
Alec felt a pang of nervousness swim through his body. What if everyone hated him?  
Reluctantly, he dragged himself over to the television and switched it on.   
Magnus' smiling face appeared and all he could do was smile. He was so stupidly in love with that man. He felt like he would stop breathing if he couldn't see him anymore.

  
"So Magnus, alot has happened since we last saw each other." An interviewee Alec vaguely remembered seeing said to Magnus. She was beautiful, even he could see that.   
Magnus laughed, bringing his forefinger up to his lip. If he was trying to look sheepish it was working.   
Surprisingly, she didn't ask any questions about his relationship with Alec. They mostly discussed his new songs, which he admitted were all inspired by his boyfriend.   
" _War of hearts_ , sound more like a breakup song though. Were you having issues in your relationship?"  
Magnus smirked at her smoothness.   
"Not issues, per se."  
The interviewee waited and Magnus laughed.   
"No issues. My boyfriend's amazing but sometimes, like every other couple, we have our disputes but we make up rather quickly. It never lasts longer than a day. I can't be without him for too long so I usually try to patch it up as quickly as possible."  
The interviewee smiled, looking pleased with herself to have pulled something so personal from Magnus Bane.   
"Even when you aren't to blame?" She teased but didn't wait for an answer this time.   
She asked a few more questions about his music before moving onto some questions from the fans.   
"I know you're very active on Social Media and your fans love interacting with you so we pulled some random questions from both Twitter and Instagram.   
Magnus nodded.   
"I should warn you though I'm pretty sure most if not all of them will about your boyfriend."  
They both laughed.   
The interviewe started reading off questions:

 _@missionbanepossible_ from Instagram wants to know: How has your relationship with Alec changed now that it's all out in the open? Love you both so much.

"Obviously now everyone knows that he's my boyfriend but nothing's changed between us. We're still Magnus and Alec."

The interviewee smiled and nodded.

 _@Malecconfirmed99_ from Twitter would like to know: Is Alec watching you right now? We need proof.

"He is." Magnus replied confidently. "Though, I can't possibly know how I'd show you that."

The questions that followed were fairly tamed. Someone had asked Magnus to show his favourite picture of Alec which made Alec roll with laughter because it wasn't meant for television at all.   
"Ha. No. No pictures of Alec for you guys."  
"Okay, last question," the interviewee announced.

 _@flourishmaleC_ from Twitter asked: How is Alec handling all of the fame that he's gotten by simply being your boyfriend? I love you guys

Magnus pondered on the question a bit.   
"He's very... overwhelmed. I mean he went from seeing me behind closed doors to pretty much having welcomed the entire world into our home it would be alot for anyone but Alec is handling it quite well. Actually," Magnus smirked, looking directly into the camera.   
"He likes the little Malec sketches and stuff that you guys make. He tries to like them all." Magnus chuckles, "but of course, that's impossible so just know that he sees you and he appreciates them. Nice ship name, by the way."  
The interview wrapped up not before asking everyone watching to purchase ' _War Of Hearts_ ' and go a bit easy on Alec as he's still fresh to Magnus' world.   
"Before we leave I have a question of my own and I'm sure everyone else watching wants to know."  
Magnus raised a perfectly arched brow at her, waiting.   
"The big fifth anniversary! When is it?" She asked a little too happily.   
Magnus smirked.  
"Tomorrow. So if I don't tweet anything for all of tomorrow no I'm not dead I'm just having a quiet day with my man."  
Alec smiled feeling a bit flustered. Obviously Magnus has always used endearments with him but hearing him say it to the entire world was something else — something new. All he knew in that moment was that he really needed to see his man too. 


End file.
